Junk drawer

When I owned a home I had a garage. And an attic. Heck it had all kinds of storage. Now that I’m an apartment dweller, I’ve got more than no space and less than home space. My storage unit has been a nice buffer. I thought this was going to be my last emptying.

Nope. There is just too much stuff still! I forgot about my daughter’s clothes and Nick-knacks too. But there’s a mobile gasoline/lp gas generator I don’t want to give up and a bunch of books I can’t throw away…

My car is full with two guitars, a plastic bin with lots of pictures and albums, a printer, and many coffee cups, hats, and books shoved in nooks. It’s full and I’ve got my suitcase, backpack, and gym bag in my room. 🤔

I’ll make it work. I want to stop by Costco tomorrow and look for deals on computers. I’ve got a $163 credit with them. I’ll get coffee and some golf clubs if nothing else! 😉

Then breakfast with the Boys before heading back. Linda refuses to talk to me. I talked to them last night and the three of us agree on the specifics of my side. So there’s no problem with us three and our relationship. We’re working out a gaming schedule. Maybe Tuesday and Thursday WoW Classic? Eve Online? 🤷‍♂️

I’m proud of my sons. They’re strong in ways I never was. When they say (and especially when they do) things that are responsible and adult-ing, I am confident for their future. They’re going to be fine.

Veterans Day

Nope. Not yet. But man do I feel appreciated! Luxor upgraded my room (for a small fee) to a suite. So cool!

No jets. Just a ridiculously huge tub. 😂

I’m going to rest up and then go look for mid rats.

Connections

Did you know when you touch something your skin doesn’t actually physically come in contact with the surface of a table say. The little electrons of the atoms of the molecules that make up your skin repel the little electrons of the molecules that make up the fibers of the wood of the table.

But. You don’t really “touch” the table. Little nerve fibers pass on bio-electro-chemical “signals” like a baton race. Here, pass it on. Then something something happens and you of your reality experiences the sensation of a smooth surface under your fingers.

And yet…

Anniversaries are important to me. It’s a PTSD thing. But it’s also a way for my brain to focus. It’s easier to remember details on anniversaries for me than on other days when I may be reminiscing about my past.

The universe is telling me reality is connected on a more fundamental level than I could ever conceive. I have no idea how wrong I really am with my pretentious guesses about the truth. I can accept that. That makes sense. Every human being is equally far away from humanly inconceivable truths. Accept that. Get a good seat. Watch it happen.

Tomorrow will become an anniversary of sorts for me. There are a few events that have happened in my life that I can remember distinctly because of the importance and intensity of the moment.

When I run across an anniversary of one of those moments it can be like touching an electric fence. I feel what I felt then, in a way. Subdued of course, but the intensity of it was forgotten until I was surprised to find it still there just waiting to be remembered.

I’m experiencing memories of last year because I actually kept a journal. Several journals. Wow. I really thought a year ago that any day now, the divorce will be final and I’ll get to live in an apartment instead of in a tent next to my daughter’s RV.

It’s been a ride let me tell you. I’ve got audio recordings going back to 2017 talking about the trouble I was in at work. I want to see my wedding videos! Remember what it was like to feel the words when I told my wife I loved her.

Tomorrow will establish an anniversary. I will be debt free tomorrow for the first time in about 40 years. If I allow myself to become ensnared in that foolishness again I’ll deserve whatever consequences I earn! Not me friend. I have seen the light.

Accounting Day? Accountability Day? Net Worth Declaration? The Truth Shall Set You Free day. Needs work.

But it will be a day to remember!

Cheap hotel

Knock! Knock!

Crap, I thought. I just wanted to puff on my vape, which is perfectly legal in this state, outside.

There was a sign at the desk that said there would be a $250 fine if you smoked “any substance” in your room. Ok. I’ll smoke or vape outside by the street light. Make it plain I wasn’t smoking in my room.

But now 15 minutes later someone is banging on my door.

Did I mention this was a cheap motel? $65 for the night. 7.0 rating on Expedia. I’ve never had a bad stay with Expedia. But I think tomorrow I’m going to kick it up a to close to a hundred.

I didn’t have my glasses on when I opened the door so I was squinting. A surprised looking 20-something man took a step back and said, “Sorry, wrong door.” And left

🤦‍♂️

What was I thinking? My dad had a good phrase for what I needed to do. It involved the undoing of an impossible arrangement of body parts.

Why did I open the door? Because I assumed I had done something wrong and was going to be in trouble. What a schmuck.

It makes me think I have a guardian Angel sometimes. I certainly can’t intimidate someone just by looking at them. My John Travolta looking guardian Angel gets in between and scares them away.

More likely he just got the wrong number. They’re nearly impossible to read from your car. His car was just sitting out there idling for a good 5 minutes before he knocked. From the sights and sounds of this place, I’d say there’s some drug dealing and use around.

The walls are thin. I’ve got my AirPods on noise-canceling so hopefully I can get some sleep.

Cheap hotels, adventure awaits!

Road trip day 2

Tomorrow is the big day. I will be debt free as soon as I can pay off the debt I owe. That will be sometime tomorrow. 12:01 am? CT or MT or ET? Lol

It is both obscenely unfair and ridiculously stupid that it has taken this long for life to arrange itself so that I can finally be debt free! But that’s another story for another day.

I was laughing to myself about how “white trash” I could make this. Sometime tomorrow, a bit will flip and I will suddenly have access to nearly $100k at nearly the exact same time I will be arriving in Las Vegas, baby! It was meant to be! 🤩🤑

No coincidences!

No. I will not succumb to that temptation. Or bewbies. But I will risk up to $1000 on blackjack and craps. I will get some good bourbon and several cigars. If I win I’ll get an expensive dinner. If I lose I’ll get McDonalds. If I break even I’ll find a buffet! 😉

I have already given my mom a check to pay her back for the help she gave me when I really needed it. If that bounced I couldn’t face her again! No, I am so looking for forward to paying off 30% credit cards and lawyers so that I don’t owe anyone anything! I won’t actually blow it, but it would make a good movie. Or at least a country song.

Eclipse 2023

I was still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes when I suddenly remembered the eclipse was going to be at maximum that morning! I got on my phone to Google the time for us. I looked up from my phone to see my mom sitting out front looking up at the sun!

She had ordered some of those special glasses to observe it safely with (of course). So I made sure to bring mine as I grabbed my chair to go join her. Being north Texas we had to find a place out of the wind, but at least there weren’t any clouds!

I tried but couldn’t get a good photograph of it.

It was great to share the experience with my mom. Her love of the natural world was an early influence on me. We talked for awhile as the moon slowly traversed across face of the sun.

The daylight was getting dimmer even though it was the middle of a cloudless day. She noticed the local birds were calling out to each like it was getting close to sunset.

Since we sat there for awhile looking up for a few minutes at a time over the span of a couple of hours, we were able to perceive the relative motions of the sun, moon, and earth.

I’m really looking forward to the Total eclipse coming 4/8/24. Hope to see you there!

Pen to paper

I love the feeling of a well crafted modern pen gliding exactly where I want it to. Well as close an approximation to “exact” as my nerves and muscles have devolved to. But that’s life, right? So shaky or not, it still feels good, even if the results aren’t exactly what I’d like them to be. Being in cursive is enough of a security block that 1/2 the population couldn’t read what I wrote anyway!

That’s part of what I miss when I type instead of write. Although I type faster than when I write in cursive, my accuracy typing has slipped a bit over the years. I want to get to accurate and reliable speech-to-text transcription, but it costs more than I’m willing to pay. So far. But that isn’t pen to paper either!

When I was on the road, I kept a journal, but also planned out what my travel plans were going to be. Now I have a record of that whole process.

I don’t get a lot done, because I don’t get started. I don’t put pen to paper.

The illusion of free will

I had two paragraphs here at the beginning, but they were “unretrievable” by the app. I like to give context. Maybe too much.

I had read a blog about choosing to heal. I agree with their point, but I’m also opinionated about Free Will. So choosing is a “trigger” word for me. I was driving to New Mexico and dictated the original version.

Now I’m sitting in my hotel room editing and wanted to go ahead and publish.

When I was a teenager, I read about Albert Einstein‘s thought experiments. He came up with his insights about the universe while thinking about the implications of things moving and lights shining. I had read something about free will and it got me thinking what would happen if we could turn back Time like rewinding a movie?

So for a good thought experiment you need a simple premise. Let’s say you’re at an ice cream shop and before you are 30-onederful flavors. Which one will you choose? That doesn’t matter. What does it mean if free will is real? That’s what matters.

It means I could’ve chosen any flavor. I am free to choose. I have agency.

So if I was able to turn back time to just before I chose say Mint Chip, it should be possible for me to choose Butter Pecan this time because the Agency that chooses hasn’t made the choice yet.

But why would I? If everything else is the same, I would make the same choice. So if I’m always going to choose Mint Chip, I’m destined to. I feel like I could choose something different, but it’s always going to be Mint Chip. No choice. No free will.

Also if everything else is just following the same physical laws as everything, including me, So where does this Agency come in with FreeWill? It’s not there. It’s an illusion. It just seems like it, it just appears this way, because of the way our human brains work.

Another nail in the coffin for Free Will is the scientific evidence collected that shows many of your decisions are made, and detectable by others, before you consciously make them. A human brain makes decisions then the conscious mind becomes aware of it.

The implications of the acceptance that FreeWill is an illusion are far-reaching. It would impact many of our social institutions with a new wave of compassion. Everyone does the best they can. Most of the differences between people come down to things beyond their control.

If someone needs help they should get it. The ones with the most money should pay for most of it. That’s humanity.

Prisoners are not getting the punishment they deserve. They are getting much worse. They should be seen as humans that are dangerous to themselves and others. Their lives should be respectfully restricted until we figure out what’s wrong and fix it.

The Lord hath Spoken!

Since Fresno State lost, I’ll be heading to Fresno arriving Friday, Oct 13. Yes. Friday the 13th! If the Lord had blessed the Bulldogs w/ a victory, I would be making plans for the upcoming Utah State game. Now? Who cares now! 😭 National ranking gone. Winning streak gone!

So be it.

Instead I will be stopping at or near casinos on the way to Fresno, but mostly just pit stops on the way to get my stuff. And see if I can talk to my ex and/or her father to get the ball rolling so I can be out of debt. Not sure about that idea yet.

Tomorrow I want to look around Wyoming. I have some Google Map shortcuts I wang to travel to.

Day 1

I started out this morning expecting to be on the road by noon. It was 4:30. 🤦‍♂️

I hate driving at night. I wonder if I can get something that wouldn’t blind me with oncoming headlights? Enhance night vision, but not too much!

I’m relaxing in my room. 2nd floor. Brought up my backpack and electrical cords (grocery type) bag. Like a book bag. Also I lugged up my Jackery to charge and my overnight bag. I need a real suitcase.

It’s going to be in the 30s overnight in Laramie! I brought my Fresno State coat. I have a room booked in Centennial. I read a James Michener book Centennial. I thought that was in South Dakota? I’ll have to look!

I just discovered some saved Google Maps locations. As I remember it: My Dad was looking at Google Maps overhead views of his family home/farm in Wyoming.

So I’m going to spend a day in Centennial, see what I can find out about family history stuff. Maybe get up to Wind River.

$249 for a pair of Smartglasses https://solosglasses.com/collections/eyeglasses-collection/products/argon-a-smartglasses-airgo3-3 Amazing sound, answers calls, connect to Chat GPT. Has a translator. You can watch Mexican Spanish Language novellas and it will translate. If I was a teacher…