I'm a 59 year old American man. I'm divorced with 4 kids and 3 grandkids. I'm a retired elementary school teacher from California. I like playing games on the computer, listening to classic rock music, and thinking. I'm an atheist and liberal.
I want to tell you something I know, but after I start I just want to tell you what I hope you want to hear. Maintaining the look in your eyes when you like what I’m saying becomes more important than anything else.
I want to say whatever comes to mind as we cross the country one county at a time. I want to make you laugh and make you think. I want to hear you gasp as we crest a hill and see an unimagined vista emerge.
I want to ask you why. Why? I want to ask Why not? But those are worthless questions with meaningless answers. We can never know the “Why?”s Not even our own. Most of us can’t even agree on the What Happened. Much less Why.
I mostly just want to say I love you. Over and over. Maybe if I say it enough, you’ll hear it on the breeze or feel it in a dream.
I never expected to be able to talk to you or see you when I did, so there’s no point in worrying about the next time. It’ll happen when I don’t expect it. But it will never be soon enough.
I did something sort of spontaneous today. I drove for 7 hours to see my Alma mater play a football game.
At first I was going to drive here Friday for Saturday’s game. Since I couldn’t drag myself away from my computer last night, I left my apartment this morning with just enough time to get to the kick-off. I was going to drive straight (7 hours) to the game.
After an uneventful, long and boring drive, I got off the highway and headed towards the stadium. When I saw the logjam that was the line to get into the parking lot, I drove to the hotel instead.
It’s about 1.5 miles away. I hate having to deal with parking lot traffic, so I gave up seeing the beginning of the game and got my room squared away and walked to the game. I just followed the PA voice and crowd noises!
I’d already paid $50 online for a ticket, so there was no way I was missing this game! I’d done that already the previous year. I’d driven all the way to a stadium, but didn’t bother going into the game because of parking hassles and no ticket. This time I made sure I was going!
I get into the game, find my seat and enjoy the view. It was a windy evening. As the sun set behind the tower of high dollar luxury boxes, it illuminated the clouds with a brilliant golden red hue.
I decided to get up and see what sort of refreshments they served here. Beer! 🍺 Suds. My favorite thing to quench a thirst at a game. Only (gulp) $13 a can! It’s a scam sure, but they have the advantage. What can I do? Beer please.
As I stood at the top of the grassy berm taking in the half-time show, the man next to me starts a conversation.
“Isn’t it beautiful? Look at everyone here enjoying themselves and having a good time. I didn’t appreciate this when I was young. “
I don’t know how many strangers have come up to you and just started talking to you, but it happens to me frequently. More than I’m comfortable with, to be honest.
But sometimes you can tell they HAVE to say whatever is on their mind(s). Robert was not to be denied. He was going to buy me a beer and we were going to talk.
I could tell this was going to be a conversation worth having. Not for the substance of the discussion, but for the camaraderie. We were close enough in age, that we could talk as two men in their 60s. We could nod, high-five, toast, and look sincerely at each other while I answered the same questions repeatedly. That’s what you do with a drunk friend at a football game.
Bob is a retired (30 year) postal worker. He’s of Navajo ancestry. He was one of the friendliest humans I’ve ever run across. He bought a round, then I bought one. We talked about everything and nothing. If you’d have seen us, you’d have thought we were old friends reuniting.
He talked of his 50 year high school reunion. He spoke of a lifetime of frustration trying to help people, but they didn’t seem to get better. They just stayed where they were.
I think if I had just hung around with Bob, (I declined his offer of another round) I might’ve woken up tomorrow at his ranch. I’m not that adventurous, but he seemed that generous.
It’s a good thing Bob wasn’t an attractive woman or I might’ve gotten myself into some real trouble! Am I too gullible? Maybe he was crazy and not drunk. I don’t know. He went looking for his brother and I went down to my seat. Navajo Bob, may you live a long healthy life!
I did have a great time, at least from what I remember. I watched the last of third and most of the 4th. Everyone around was enjoying the game. It wasn’t a blow-out, but my team, the visitors, definitely seemed to have it well in hand. I didn’t want to be around if it got ugly for any reason and left early.
I walked back a little paranoid, but I was not bothered by anyone. It was good to walk and clear my head a bit before arriving back at my room.
I let the universe’s teachers talk to me. It’s amazing sometimes what it comes up with when I let it.
It’s almost 3:00am locally. I could say I was staying up to watch the Polaris Dawn liftoff. At least that would be a good excuse.
But I don’t need to justify staying up late anymore! It’s such a knee-jerk thoughtless reaction to, “Why are you awake at 3:00 am?”
Because I can be!
I’ll be going to sleep in a bit. I had started a response to another prompt. Never finished it. But there were some good ideas percolating and knocking around other ideas.
Later tonight is the (first and probably only) debate between Harris and Trump 2024. My green crystal magic 8-ball says:
If she tries and fails to land a haymaker, that could cost her. She doesn’t want to overplay her hand.
If he tries and fails to belittle her or if she can make him seem old and doddering, she’s got a chance.
If Trump manages to claim with a straight face, any kind of victory, he’ll inflate it into a complete victory. The likes of which no one has ever seen.
‘I beat her in the debate. Everyone is saying it. You’re going to tell me I lost the election after I killed her in that debate? No way!
Why can’t I just report how I’m feeling right now? Why do I have to take a few moments to figure it out? Are you like that? Anyway, I’ll give it a shot.
Ok, so I sat there for a few minutes. I debated internally, what do I want to type? What do I want to do? What do I want?
Let me start with a song that’s been going through my head again. Wichita Lineman by Glen Campbell:
“And I need you more than want you…And I want you for all time…”
You see, I’m lonely. I’m missing my Soulmate. I only get to see or talk to her every couple of decades. The years between can be hard to bear sometimes. Like now.
If I had any faith in God or eternity, I could rest assured that we’ll see and talk to each other again someday. I could believe in Synchronicities and destiny. I could believe in love.
I’m only human. I dwell on impossible could have been and almost was. There are no do-overs or second chances in life. If you blow it during the attempt, you may get a chance to try again. But the previous attempt(s) don’t go away. They inescapably influence any future attempts.
Since I am only human, I have to distract myself from dwelling on the past failures. And the past ecstasies. I’m going back to my computer world now. It’s interesting and challenging enough to distract me from my recurring reminiscences. Once you’ve reconnected with your soulmate, no one else will suffice. So I’ll just have to wait until the next time we meet again.
I’m getting ready for my next Road Trip! I’ve got Gypsy Rose Lei in the shop. I brought it in for a look over. I put about 3,000 miles on her driving out to California and back.
Pittman’s Garage in Abilene comes highly recommended by my brother David. He was raised here. Graduated from high school and has lived here a long time. A good and honest mechanic is a valuable resource indeed! A brother who can recommend one is priceless!
I asked them to change the oil and filters and take a look at her. I told them I was going to be putting a lot of miles on her this year and wanted to be able to trust her.
Well like any good mechanic that looks, they’ll find something. That’s where the trust comes in. So after poking around and taking the wheels off…
One front strut was leaking but might as well replace them both. They’ve got the same mileage. The previous owners probably hit a pot hole or something. Could leave it but it’s old..
Replace both!
Now the bad news sir.
Rotors and brakes all around.
Less than $3000. Almost $2500. Worth it.
Looking at a 17’ Braxton Creek Bushwacker Plus travel trailer or a similar length Clipper model. You can see them on RVtrader.com. But that’s putting the cart before the horse. Or the trailer before the hitch in this case.
She’s got no hitch!
The mechanics at Pittman’s really didn’t want anything to do with installing them. 🤷♂️ I honestly don’t know why. If you look at videos on YouTube it looks pretty easy. I just wouldn’t want to try and mess w/ lifting.
U-Haul seems to have a side hustle in hitch installations. I’d have to reserve it weeks in advance though and I don’t want to wait that long!
I guess I’m going to have to actually talk to people. Yuck! 😉
We had a scrub today for our scheduled launch. The launch window opens tomorrow at 0900 CST.
I’m starting to get my equipment cobbled together to be able to live stream to YouTube. Here’s my setup.
From humble beginnings
So I’m using XSplit Broadcaster. I use the built in cam on the laptop. I’m also using Xsplit software that’ll let me use the cameras on my phone and IPad so I can switch between the 3 cameras and whatever I have connected to the 4k capture box. I plan on streaming gaming, but can also use dvd players, Nintendo Switch, etc.
I have to wait 24 hrs before I can stream live or schedule a stream. My plan is to develop my chops using YouTube to spread my message, whatever that happens to be at the moment. 😉
It’s getting close to 9pm. It’s a brisk 50f w/ a breeze. I’ve got my baggy Levis, Black Oakland Raiders jacket, over a bright red Fresno State sweatshirt, that’s hiding a Hufflepuff T-shirt. I’m wearing my knit beanie my mom made for me. It’s been a couple of days since I shaved. I look homeless.
So I’m standing on the edge of highway 285 smoking one of the pre-rolls I’ve purchased along the way. I’m waiting for a pause in the traffic. It’s not like I’m trying to dash across I-5. There’re stoplights in the distance, I just have to wait.
I like being in a state where weed is legal. C’mon Texas & Idaho, get it together!
Anyway, I’m standing there looking at my app and looking across the highway, but it isn’t The Burger Den. It’s Denny’s! Aha! It’s a fake burger place created during the pandemic so they could sell more food through DoorDash.
I make it across eventually with no issues and enter the restaurant. It’s about a 1/3 full. Mostly along the same wall. There isn’t anyone at the check in podium. Another couple is there sitting down in the lobby.
I see a stressed out 30s something woman dart in and out of the kitchen. She says just a minute as she heads out to the dining area.
I notice the couple are sharing a phone screen, so I look down at mine to reassure myself this is actually the right place. I don’t see any signs about a Burger Den. But it looks right on my screen.
After about 10 minutes she asks if I’m here for the door dash order. “Yes.”
“We don’t have strawberry ice cream for your shake. In fact we don’t have any ice cream!” She said with an exasperated expression. “How about New York Cheesecake?”
“Yes please!”
She disappears for several minutes then comes back to tell the couple they didn’t have seasoned fries. She offered to reimburse them or they could come back the next day.
When she comes back with my food, I asked how many people they were missing because they were obviously slammed.
She’s the assistant manager. The real manager left early and her in charge because, ‘The evenings are usually light.’ It’s Friday night! She has one chef and one server. She said she’s going to close it down soon. I told her she wasn’t getting paid enough.
It’s an example of something I want to write more about. Homelessness, low paying jobs, medical costs. Our country has serious problems.
Anyway I get back to my room, turn on the tv, put the cheesecake in the fridge, and enjoy my burger and onion rings.
It’s an old Rosanne episode. It’s in the middle of the one where she has to take a lie detector test. After a few questions she realizes they’re trying to get dirt on the gay employee! 90s plot lines! Am I right?
Then it switches to a young Galeki and a young (insert actress name here) having one of those conversations. Two young people have.
Him: I just want to spend time with you. I want to be your friend.
Her: But you want to do more than hang out.
Audience laughs as he stammers affirmatively
Her: So if I don’t then you won’t be my friend.
Him: No! I thought about this. If you want to just be friends that’s ok!
He starts to walk away and she pulls him in for a kiss.
Cut to Rosanne watching in horror. “Dan! What did you say to her?”
“Well I tried to be there for her and…”
I identified with the father trying to balance his family interactions but fails unintentionally. I identified with the boy who loves someone so much, that being a friend is sufficient. Even if there’s a longing for more.
I turned it off. There really aren’t any coincidences are there? It’s just staring right at us. But we have to accept it before we see it.
So I get to the hotel after over seven hours of driving. The Roswell Inn. Have you any idea how many, creative ideas could be generated here? I like it. I’d like it more if I was a townie, so I could talk shit 💩 about the tourists.
I want to try to narrate my evening thus far. A friend of mine is feeling down. I’ll try to make this a decent story.
I check in the at the front desk. The 20 something girl, sorry young woman, politely checks me in. But sadly doesn’t check me out. You get to a point as a man where it’s just too creepy to even joke flirt. I can’t do it. I’m Cringy McWeirdo. I’ll just make us both uncomfortable.
Anyway.
I drive to the building where my room is. Yep 16.
Rooms 14-17 are in a separate building with what I’m assuming are 4 more apartments on the other side. There are 4 parking places parallel with each of the 4 doors. 15 & 17 have cars. My first choice of the evening . Park in the empty spot in front of 14 or parallel park to get between 15 & 17?
There’s a lifted truck parked in 17. Its owner couldn’t manage to keep its massive grill out of my spot, 16 which is empty. 15 has a new red Cadillac. 14 is empty. I don’t have time for anything else. I park in 14s spot. Like Forrest said to Kennedy, “I gotta go pee!”
I had been squirming in my seat for the last 1/2 hr driving in. I thought there’d be a bathroom in the lobby. Nope. Sucks getting old sometimes.
I get back to the room…
Ahhh
So I’m tired. 2 hours ago I thought I might explore the town or museum. Nope. Just bring the food here please! DoorDash! Tip your driver!
So I’m looking at the map and there’s a burger place across the road (highway). The Burger Den. Never heard of it. Maybe it’s local. I could wait another hour and pay someone to bring me something more exotic, but that Wake & Bacon burger (with a fried egg) was calling to me. French fries and a shake? I’ll be right there! Ordered from DD but pick up instead of delivery. Sure I could have driven, but I’ve been driving all day! I needed the walk. It’ll be ready in 20 minutes.
I get my keycard, leave the wallet, take some cash and go out the door. I’ve locked myself out before. Awhile ago at a hotel that didn’t have a night manager. Never again!
I look closer and see there is plenty of room. I’m not going to have to parallel park. I can just slide right in. I don’t have my car keys.
I go back to the room, retrieve the keys, park the car, and start cleaning out the trash. I bring in drinks from the fridge, expensive electronics, and clothes bag w/ toiletries.
I’m holding all of this stuff and doing the pocket search for my keycard. Nope. When did I set it down? Search the car. Nope. Dang it! I put the heavy stuff in the car and walk down to the office. It looks closed! No!!!
No. It was open. I’m just always expecting the worst. The girl remembers me, thankfully, because I don’t have my ID.
So I go back to the room. Open the door. Yep, there’s my keycard! I immediately unlock the car, put the 2nd keycard in the cubby, get my stuff, lock up the room and the car, and I’m off to get my burger, which should be done by now!
Oh, my Lanta! I am wanting to share, and there’s nobody to stop me. What embarrassing horrors am I about to self commit? Because nobody asked for this.
But if I can’t say what I need to say, I’ll burst. It’s not for me to judge whether it’s worth hearing. That’s up to you the reader.
I’m going to try and post videos probably on YouTube. I’m going to have a written blog here. But I’m working on how to produce it so that it’s entertaining. Educational, and not a waste of time.
I know it’s arrogant to think anybody would be at all. Interested in what I’m doing. Because to be perfectly honest with you I’m not all that interested in the details of your life. That’s just in long doses.
I have a short attention span. It really doesn’t matter how important the conversation is how sincere the conversation is, or even who the conversation is with. I will lose track of the conversation. Then I will either nod along with the conversation, uncomprehendingly, or I will jump in with the story of mine related to what you were talking about.
So anyway, now that I’m free to say whatever, whenever, and however I please, expect TMI
So this is a train of thought block post while driving.
I’m dictating this with my iPhone and it inherent text to speech interface. I’m not even gonna look at the translation. I’m just gonna hit send when I’m done talking.
I love driving! I hate it driving For the last year because of how pathetic my Prius had gotten. I’m driving a 2012 Toyota Highlander hybrid and I love it!
The last time I took a road trip and my Prius why two months ago? I went to Hobbs, New Mexico and back, that’s six hours round-trip. It was winter so I didn’t have to worry about the air conditioning failing like the last time. I drove it when it was over 100 outside, so no worries there.
It’s biggest problems where the following: one the headlight on the right side Would flicker and intermittently turn off. It had a slow oil leak, or it was burning oil, which is what I think because I never saw a puddle, after that six hour trip the red triangle of death came on to tell me nothing except to panic. But over the last year, I found that when it does that if I checked the oil it’ll be, more than a quart loaf. And the windshield wiper washer fluid pump doesn’t work. The car antenna broke off years ago. It doesn’t have a Bluetooth media interface.
So by the time I got back home by windshield was dirty street, the headlight was off,and it was telling me it was gonna die any minute now. Lol.
I am currently cruising down the road with a Clearfield of you and a comfortable sedan like ride. Just waiting to finish this off so that I can enjoy SiriusXM, which is somehow free. I love this car!
Everyone is Doing the Best They Can 