Effectively Homeless

I woke up at 5:30. I forgot to take my Bipolar Meds so I had a buzz in my head. I took my meds and fell back asleep and woke up about an hour later to the sound of Bro stomping up and down the RV. BA spent the morning yelling at him until it was time to go to school. When she got back she cried by herself in her room.

I’ve spent the morning in my shade tents watching INSP, drinking coffee, and vaping THC. It’s 78F heading to 100+. I’ll spend the day out here with a fan.

I’ve lost most of my motivation to do anything productive. I work because I have to so that we can stay here. This is the best I could do, to get BA into her own place. This is what she asked for, but it isn’t going to work. Bro’s behavior is worse not better. We hope that medication will help, but I think the problem is beyond her ability to cope with.

It’s 6:30pm, Thursday, July 14, 2022. It’s 101F. I am effectively homeless. I live next to the RV, not in it. I take a shower every 3 or 4 days, using wet wipes for daily maintenance. I have an ice chest now, so I have cold milk, sodas, and mayo. I couldn’t keep it in the fridge, because Bro gets into the fridge dumps out things, drinks from the milk container….

Bro won’t keep his clothes on. I can’t do anything about it. I can’t even babysit. BA doesn’t trust me. She’s afraid my anger will have an adverse effect on him. Even though she yells and slaps him (gently). It’s ok. I don’t think there’s anything she can do. Well, not until she allows someone to help. Maybe CVRC?

He sleeps in the front, she sleeps in the back, and I sleep outside. I live outside. But it’s ok. I could drive every day and sleep in a hotel. I don’t want to work that hard. This is where I belong. If I wasn’t supporting BA & Bro, I would be in an apartment, or trailer, in Florida.

Sunday 4/30/23

He woke up from the dream confused. He had been in a passionate argument about religion with someone, an older man that he couldn’t now recognize. The funny thing was, he had been arguing for Christianity with this man instead of against. He had been in the middle of a rant about how important his personal testimony was to his faith. He could still feel that surety and certainty, even as it faded as he regained consciousness.

It was as if he had been a devout Christian instead of the Atheist he had been for most of his life. In the dream he had been arguing from personal experience. Bringing up memories of religious experiences that he couldn’t recall now, but that had been core to the person he had been in his dream. Transitioning from the dreamer to the awake was always a little confusing.

So this is me trying to write. I had the idea and started exploring it. Now, I’m a little stuck because I don’t know how much time I want to invest in this story. However, I’m going to call it a successful day. Thanks to My Best Friend in the World, I have actually started writing. I spent about 2 hours today working on things, so that’s enough. I can see that I may need to have several different hosts for my thoughts.

A new beginning

I’ve wanted to have a blog for many years. What I’ve wanted to blog about has changed over the years. I think what I want to do is tell my story. I want to write about what I’m thinking about. Lately, that’s been the past a lot more than the future.

Superstition Ain’t the Way

“When you believe in things you don’t understand, you suffer. Superstition ain’t the way.”

-Stevie Wonder

For tens of thousands of years, superstition was an inefficient but useful way for humans to stay alive. Being the most intelligent animals on the planet, we learned that effects followed causes even if we didn’t understand why. Eventually we came up with our own explanations that made sense to us. These became superstitions.

However, superstitions were different for different groups because they were isolated from one another. They were also different because they weren’t true. A true explanation is true for everyone. As groups intermingled, their competing superstitions would change over time as old superstitions fell out of favor and new ones rose up to take their place. Over millennia, superstitions were propagated and became “the Truth” for the believers of their superstitions.

For a brave few, superstitious explanations weren’t good enough. While comforting in their own way, they didn’t always work. They couldn’t be relied on to predict what was coming. They conflicted with others, so how were you to know which were true? Gradually, over generations, other ways of explaining why things happened began to appear. Culminating eventually into the Scientific Method.

The Scientific Method has revealed the Universe that used to be hidden from us. What used to be considered vengeful or beneficial acts of mysterious superior beings, are now understood as the consequences of fundamental discoverable natural forces and laws. We are essentially identical to those intelligent, but ignorant and superstitious first humans who cowered in caves when the earth shook or lightning crashed. What is different? Our scientific understanding of the world around us.

Science is the most reliable path to truth humans have ever discovered. The improvements in health, standard of living, and knowledge that we enjoy today are due almost exclusively to the application of the Scientific Method to what used to be the inscrutable mysteries that surrounded us.

This progress in understanding has had to fight against superstition every step of the way. That struggle continues, and the forces of ignorance show no signs of giving up gracefully. The leaders of Superstition owe their positions, power, and prestige to the ignorance they promote. The followers of Superstition face the loss of community and harmony if they dare stray from established dogma and question core Beliefs.

Today we are on the brink of a new age of scientific exploration and discovery. We are also at the brink of a planetary societal collapse brought on by climate change, overpopulation, and the wars of ignorance between believers of different Superstitions. The anti-science war waged by the leaders of ignorance will doom us to return to cowering in our caves if we don’t stand up and fight for Truth. I beg you to let go of your ignorance and superstition. It makes us all suffer. There’s a way to overcome the challenges of the future, and superstition ain’t it.

Inspired by Derek

Well I’ve finally entered the 21st century, 11 years late. I feel like I need an outlet for my thoughts. I don’t get to talk to people about politics, religion, and such. I don’t have much experience with blogs. I know of them, but haven’t followed any.

I plan on writing about what I think and feel. Sort of treating this as a diary that I’m sharing with the world.

At this moment I’m at one of my son’s chess tournaments. He loves playing in these, but doesn’t really practice much. He likes the competition and camaraderie of being on a team. If I was more focused on my children’s success I would spend more time coaching and making him practice. But I let my kids find their own way. If I was more convinced that I knew what was best for them I’d take a firmer stand.

I spend a lot of time looking for news, photos or videos of my dead son-in-law Derek. He died Dec. 6th, 2010 a day before his first son was born. He was shot in the head by a sniper in Sangin, Afghanistan. It’s the worst tragedy I’ve had to deal with. I hope that he didn’t suffer. But his absence has left a huge hole in the fabric of the lives of the people that new him. The background picture of my phone is of him and my daughter smiling at the camera. What every father wants for his daughter is for her to meet and marry someone who makes them happy. Someone that they can build a life with and share themselves with. Someone who helps them become a better person. He was all of that and more for Kait. The sense of loss I have for what should have been has been debilitating for me.

Derek is the inspiration for this. One night after talking with him, I can’t remember the details of the conversation, he said, “You should write a book!” At first I thought he was pulling my leg, but he insisted I should. For months after that I wondered what would I write? What about our conversations did he enjoy? Was he saying it just to make points with his father-in-law? But after his death, I read a quote of his. I don’t know if it originated with him but he said, “Don’t look down on a man unless you’re offering your hand to help him up.” He was a natural leader by all accounts of the people that new him. He inspired people to do more. So I trust that he wanted me to do something with these thoughts that rattle inside my head. I don’t think he would agree with a lot of what I want to say, but as the saying goes, he’d fight to death for my right to say it. And as is typical of Derek, he didn’t just say it, he did it.