Good Morning

Tracy Chapman is “Talking ‘Bout a Revolution” as I stare out the window. It’s a little past 8:30 in the wilds of Wyoming. I’ve had my first coffee and my first vape. I’m staring at a world that is slowly waking up too. The chemicals of the world begin to mix. Gasoline and sin gets a Sunday morning going.

When you just let the world be out there it’s easier to just be yourself in here. Behind my window I don’t have to be polite. On this side of the glass there is peace and serenity. Except my coffee’s cold. Time to make another cup. Might as well enjoy another hit of the vape while I’m up. There’s no judgement on this side of the window. Just a Sunday morning coming into view.

The Beatles have taken over for Ms. Chapman. They’re getting high with a little help from their friends. I used to grow my own weed. You wouldn’t just pick it and smoke it, like you wouldn’t just pick and smoke tobacco. You have to harvest it and let it dry. The stickiness of freshly harvested weed and the smell of rows of drying buds is something I miss.

America would be much better off if we were all small farmers, handcrafters, artists, or shop keepers. Where the doctor would come to your house when you were sick. Where the baker provides fresh healthy breads, rolls, and sweets so the town can enjoy them. He makes a living, he participates in the economy, and the people eat good food. Small individual transactions and interactions. That’s a real community because everyone actually knows everyone else.

Sorry I’m stoned, so this is going to meander like my mind. I got to spend a couple of days with my daughter and her family. She had intentionally shut me out of her life about 5 years ago. I didn’t know why. Even after talking to her about it, I’m still not sure I know why. But I knew then that whatever she needed to do, it was necessary. I trusted her.

She is so smart. Like, genius smart. I always thought I was smart. Nope, I’m older now but I don’t think I was ever that smart. A brain that refuses to slow down. Thoughts relentlessly force themselves into her consciousness. When she’d share what was going on in her head it came out like a torrent from a fire hose. A powerful stream of logic and knowledge that would annihilate any rebuttal of her understanding. It was zero to a thousand and I was overwhelmed.

Your kids are supposed to surpass you. You put them on your shoulders so they can see farther. You support them when they’re young so they can step up when it’s their turn. You let go so they can become what they’ll be. I was the first in my family to get a college degree. My daughter is preparing to defend her doctoral thesis. She’s a former marine (once a marine always a marine Semper Fi), a gold star widow, a mother of a neurodivergent son, and survivor of SA. Fierce feminist. So self-aware of who she is and what she wants to do. She’s almost achieved her academic goals, then comes social change. She’s going to change the world.

So good morning! The world is spinning, time marches on, and we sit wondering what it’s all about. I get to hear from my sons how the Rush concert went last night. That they went together because they wanted to and not because their dad took them warms my heart. I did something right! We spend our Sunday mornings hanging out playing computer games or watching TV shows/movies together. They’re in California so it’s an hour earlier. I’m up before them and wait for them to get up. I was surprised they wanted to get together online after the concert last night. We’ll see when they actually get up. It’s always understood to be a flexible start time. Sunday mornings are precious.

I wake up on Sunday mornings looking forward to the time I’ll spend with my sons. I enjoy my solitary lifestyle, but I wouldn’t want to be completely cut off from socializing with my friends and family online. Like with my recent conversations with my daughter I can get overwhelmed with face to face interactions. I need to go sit by myself for awhile after a lot of talking with others. I used to hate going to parties. I enjoyed the parties up to a point. Then I had to leave. Like right now let’s go. I guess I’ve always been weird. No wonder I live alone.

So on this Sunday morning I leave you with my sincerest wish for someone I don’t know, that you have the greatest day you’ve had in months. I hope you have great weather and good conversations. I hope you find a reason to look someone in the eye and smile. Smile knowing that this is a great day. Smile knowing some days aren’t. Smile knowing you’re forgiven for what you’ve done. Smile knowing you’ve done the best you could.