I checked in to the Dayās Inn, ordered a pizza, vaped, and started writing what I was thinking. Then after I had read it a few times, I was stoned and started editing. That was a mistake! So here I am the next day, in my new room, not stoned, and editing. THC is fine for stimulating divergent thinking. But it sucks for executive functions like decision making. Hereās the important parts:
{Authorās note: I was in a great mood and feeling humorous. As I get to be a more active writer, Iāll categorize things better. Clean up the message. Stay on point. Tangents can be their own posts later. Etc.
So this was some funnies:}
When I started writing, waiting for my pizza, I hear two guys right outside my door. Theyāre us. I hear all sorts of alpha male call outs of Hemis, Cougars, Navy, Real Truck, etc.
Loudly
Silverback style
Iām a chimp
I wonāt twist your head off.
Iāll eat your face.
End of funnies.
Iām safely ensconced in my hotel room. I donāt want to say where I am. Letās just say theyāre known for Aliens. š
I love my new car!
BOTH headlights stayed on? ā
Free SiriusXM radioā
{Authorās note: I start joking again.}
šŗ of š didnāt come on ā
I got the pink slip baby! āļø
(Itās in the mail or something.)
{š¬ yikes. Really cringe at these}
My mom says I should name itā¦
The contenders so far
Silver Bird
Silver Fox š¦ lol
Silver Surfer š
{Authorās Note: This is a thought that Iāve been working on as a comedic bit. Or something. Funny idea? Where Iāve written edit and a time was yesterdayās stoned edits.}
GenXAssemble! šŗšø
So this triggered the earlier thought of GenX Assemble! I know it isnāt original. I have images of people in cosplay level gear in whatever timelines alts etc. edit 10:26pm
Hereās a thought I had while driving:
GenXAssemble!
TikTokers answering the call in whatever form they want. (stitching) š§µ?
Edit 10:27 š¬ ok. Time out. Donāt whatever you do hit Publish yet. Ok. Whew! You donāt want to know.
edit 10:31PM sounds of woman screaming incoherently in the parking lot. Alpha Males, youāre up! Edit 10:32
{These are remarks from last night while editing}
Original textā¦By that I mean Iām not editorializing, Iām editing. So Iām deleting obvious crap. Iāve put enough time into it, I want to keep it for when Iām not stoned again. I donāt drive stoned.
Edit ok, the alphas are beating their chests and thundering around with their big loud cars with their big
loud engines going vroom , vroom
Yes. They trigger anxiety in me. š them.
There it is. š ok. Time to just chills a bit. Save for tomorrow. I like what I did. Save as and continue maƱana šŖš š„¬
{So this was the end of my stoned edits. I was tired and wanted to sleep. What follows is what I wrote before the stoned edits but after sober edits. Iām editing now, in Flagstaff. The thoughts are a continuation of the GenX Assemble idea. }
ā¬ļøā¬ļøā¬ļø
Anyway, hereās my point.
Our time has come. We were made for this moment. We were raised by mostly self-interested boomers who wouldnāt trust their instincts and instead read books about how to raise their children. Wait, that was me. Insight:
My parents read Dr. Spock (not Mr. Spock) it was confusing.
No we read āWhat to Expect When youāre Expectingā That is we bought it and passed it down to our kids.?
You too? GenX š
{This was a real-time recognition of the fact that I was raised by a parent reading a book because thatās what nearly everyone was doing, that I did it too AND that I had passed it down.}
All of us short-circuited, burnt out, non-diagnosed fellow trauma survivors out there have to suit up, mount up, and most importantly get up, off our asses! Ass?
{The ācoreā idea is that even though we have different opinions left and right, we have a lot more in common. Trying to find a middle ground that we can start from. The middle needs to rein in their extreme fringes. I deleted unfunny jokes.}
You see,
You shouldnāt be praying in public.
I know you mean well.
But you really arenāt helping.
Hereās what I believe,
We are most sincere when itās just us alone with God. I understood that truth a long time ago.
Even with the most sincere motives, when we donāt keep that part of our existence private, weāre actually harming our āspiritualā understanding.
Anyway
Very rarely we come across someone, and look in their eyes w/o any reservations, because we donāt have any doubt, that they accept us exactly as we are.
And in those moments we experience the Love of God.
However,
I no longer believe that it is Supernatural. I believe it is a part of the Universe. In ways I do not, nor could ever fully understand. But it is worth increasing our understanding.
Is it not?
Do you concur?
I now believe like never before that nearly all organisms experience something of what it is to be alive. So the closer they are to us in awareness, the more we can understand and empathize with their experiences.
Not intelligence or emotion or any of the labels we characterize existence as, just awareness,
If that is true, then we need to drastically and dramatically rethink our coexistence with the rest of the Earth.
{I was getting full of myself}
Random intrusive š
Deleted
Broken antenna like I had beforeā
Room less than 80 bucks. ā
Great Pizza from Dionās. Spicy but good quality pizza š
Itās a shame they were delicious
š½
Ok š
Hereās my idea š”
{I had this bit in my mind where I was a conman trying to get the reader to want to know what my idea was. As I was about to reveal it, Iād think of the conman saying:}
What you think Iām an idiot? Iām just going to blurt out my Million Dollar Idea? Huh. Get lost.
So.
For my next bit I want to set the scene as I am experiencing it at this momentā¦..
Iāve never been more tempted to stealā¦Uh oh! El Diablo!
This chair looks awesome. I love the color scheme.
Time!
{I wanted to include a picture of my room to make it more Bloggy. This was when I decided to edit while stoned}
(I finished writing about an hour and a half ago. I scrolled through it a couple of times. Went back to the beginning to try and record that train of thought I had had while driving, and then trying to record it later while stoned)
{This is how I feel about legalization. Especially when stoned}
Texas, Idaho, letās legalize it! Cāmon yāall! Fellow cowpersons š¤ I have a lot of respect for those that live the strait edge (?) lifestyle. Not for me.
At least not tonight. š
Tonight I am going to enjoy the pleasant effects of a great Indica King Louis (Louis)𤣠XIII)
10:04 PM local time
That whole train of thought was instigated by a White Christian woman on church TV. She said something about Satan that made me laugh out loud.
Anyway
I have this idea seeā¦
Leverage the awesome power of ChatGPT to
Ha! You really think Iām just going to say it.. What a Maroon! Gull-a-bull! š¤£
Yes, Iām back. Iām even thinking of reclaiming my real name. Weāll see. I feel like my old self. Like my teacher friend, Jenni, said, ālooking forward, not backwardsā Or as one of my first āMemesā, from Gumball Ralley. Raul Julia says,
The 1st Rule of Italian Drivingā¦
āWhattsa behind me, (removes rear view mirror) is not important!ā
Of course, we didnāt call them memes back then. They were just funny lines from movies & TV shows. I look at my brother and say any setup line from any of those ā70s movies and heāll deliver a spot on reading. Consummate professional. God I miss him.
No! Heās not dead. Sorry (in a Canadian soory kind of way) Itās just heās been up in the Great White Northwest and Iāve been in Libtardia.
There was a long stretch of years, at least two, when him and I and our mom would play Sid Meirās Civilization on our computers with our modems and such. First III, then IV, and I think even V.
I thought of it as feeling my Irish, because good whiskey didnāt put a damper on my game. Somehow it got me out of the way so I could be, no say what I thought. Because I knew that whatever I said was the truth. Confidence. I miss that too.
Iām not gonna let it end there tonight because obviously Iāve been doing a lot of thinking. Iām one of those guys that asks questions and thinks seriously about them, and what the ramifications might be. Even if I donāt like where theyāre headed. If youāve never considered it, how can you already have an opinion about it?
So I had several thoughts today, that I want to pursue.
I confessed my sins and sincerely accepted Jesus as the Son of God and wanted to be like him.
That was about 40 years ago.
I gotta be honest with you. Iāve never seen him. Iāve only had āfeelings, impressions, thoughtsā of spiritual experiences.
But there was a time when I was feet first in. It was later, about 30 years ago. That was in Visalia.
I was attending College of the Sequoias. I was on welfare. With my wife and two daughters. We were broke hippies. We were living in a KOA trailer park in Goshen. Iāll put those white trash credentials up against anyone!
I have a soulmate out there, the other half that makes me whole. I donāt have to be within reach, just within thought for me to feel their love. Their existence makes me question my assumptions about reality. A better person couldnāt be wished for.
Some memories are so sweet I fear Iāll ruin it if I dwell too long. But on anniversaries, the temptation is too great! Be they good or bad, I will roll around in them like a hog in mud. Coating myself in the cooling, soothing comfort.
These next few days will be a roller coaster of memory rides. Some thrilling, some sad, and some heartbreaking. So if I seem preoccupied, Iāve been putting some of these memories off for a long time, Iām going to be looking back intently over the next few weeks and months.
If you are making new memories for the future, Iām glad for you. It means youāre still living your life. Iām in a very reflective stage in my life, so Iām going to spend some time organizing and recording the life Iāve lived. Maybe next year I can get back to living life and making memories again. Weāll see.
You were there. It was real, even if it was temporary.
When I owned a home I had a garage. And an attic. Heck it had all kinds of storage. Now that Iām an apartment dweller, Iāve got more than no space and less than home space. My storage unit has been a nice buffer. I thought this was going to be my last emptying.
Nope. There is just too much stuff still! I forgot about my daughterās clothes and Nick-knacks too. But thereās a mobile gasoline/lp gas generator I donāt want to give up and a bunch of books I canāt throw awayā¦
My car is full with two guitars, a plastic bin with lots of pictures and albums, a printer, and many coffee cups, hats, and books shoved in nooks. Itās full and Iāve got my suitcase, backpack, and gym bag in my room. š¤
Iāll make it work. I want to stop by Costco tomorrow and look for deals on computers. Iāve got a $163 credit with them. Iāll get coffee and some golf clubs if nothing else! š
Then breakfast with the Boys before heading back. Linda refuses to talk to me. I talked to them last night and the three of us agree on the specifics of my side. So thereās no problem with us three and our relationship. Weāre working out a gaming schedule. Maybe Tuesday and Thursday WoW Classic? Eve Online? š¤·āāļø
Iām proud of my sons. Theyāre strong in ways I never was. When they say (and especially when they do) things that are responsible and adult-ing, I am confident for their future. Theyāre going to be fine.
Did you know when you touch something your skin doesnāt actually physically come in contact with the surface of a table say. The little electrons of the atoms of the molecules that make up your skin repel the little electrons of the molecules that make up the fibers of the wood of the table.
But. You donāt really ātouchā the table. Little nerve fibers pass on bio-electro-chemical āsignalsā like a baton race. Here, pass it on. Then something something happens and you of your reality experiences the sensation of a smooth surface under your fingers.
And yetā¦
Anniversaries are important to me. Itās a PTSD thing. But itās also a way for my brain to focus. Itās easier to remember details on anniversaries for me than on other days when I may be reminiscing about my past.
The universe is telling me reality is connected on a more fundamental level than I could ever conceive. I have no idea how wrong I really am with my pretentious guesses about the truth. I can accept that. That makes sense. Every human being is equally far away from humanly inconceivable truths. Accept that. Get a good seat. Watch it happen.
Tomorrow will become an anniversary of sorts for me. There are a few events that have happened in my life that I can remember distinctly because of the importance and intensity of the moment.
When I run across an anniversary of one of those moments it can be like touching an electric fence. I feel what I felt then, in a way. Subdued of course, but the intensity of it was forgotten until I was surprised to find it still there just waiting to be remembered.
Iām experiencing memories of last year because I actually kept a journal. Several journals. Wow. I really thought a year ago that any day now, the divorce will be final and Iāll get to live in an apartment instead of in a tent next to my daughterās RV.
Itās been a ride let me tell you. Iāve got audio recordings going back to 2017 talking about the trouble I was in at work. I want to see my wedding videos! Remember what it was like to feel the words when I told my wife I loved her.
Tomorrow will establish an anniversary. I will be debt free tomorrow for the first time in about 40 years. If I allow myself to become ensnared in that foolishness again Iāll deserve whatever consequences I earn! Not me friend. I have seen the light.
Accounting Day? Accountability Day? Net Worth Declaration? The Truth Shall Set You Free day. Needs work.
Crap, I thought. I just wanted to puff on my vape, which is perfectly legal in this state, outside.
There was a sign at the desk that said there would be a $250 fine if you smoked āany substanceā in your room. Ok. Iāll smoke or vape outside by the street light. Make it plain I wasnāt smoking in my room.
But now 15 minutes later someone is banging on my door.
Did I mention this was a cheap motel? $65 for the night. 7.0 rating on Expedia. Iāve never had a bad stay with Expedia. But I think tomorrow Iām going to kick it up a to close to a hundred.
I didnāt have my glasses on when I opened the door so I was squinting. A surprised looking 20-something man took a step back and said, āSorry, wrong door.ā And left
š¤¦āāļø
What was I thinking? My dad had a good phrase for what I needed to do. It involved the undoing of an impossible arrangement of body parts.
Why did I open the door? Because I assumed I had done something wrong and was going to be in trouble. What a schmuck.
It makes me think I have a guardian Angel sometimes. I certainly canāt intimidate someone just by looking at them. My John Travolta looking guardian Angel gets in between and scares them away.
More likely he just got the wrong number. Theyāre nearly impossible to read from your car. His car was just sitting out there idling for a good 5 minutes before he knocked. From the sights and sounds of this place, Iād say thereās some drug dealing and use around.
The walls are thin. Iāve got my AirPods on noise-canceling so hopefully I can get some sleep.
Tomorrow is the big day. I will be debt free as soon as I can pay off the debt I owe. That will be sometime tomorrow. 12:01 am? CT or MT or ET? Lol
It is both obscenely unfair and ridiculously stupid that it has taken this long for life to arrange itself so that I can finally be debt free! But thatās another story for another day.
No. I will not succumb to that temptation. Or bewbies. But I will risk up to $1000 on blackjack and craps. I will get some good bourbon and several cigars. If I win Iāll get an expensive dinner. If I lose Iāll get McDonalds. If I break even Iāll find a buffet! š
I have already given my mom a check to pay her back for the help she gave me when I really needed it. If that bounced I couldnāt face her again! No, I am so looking for forward to paying off 30% credit cards and lawyers so that I donāt owe anyone anything! I wonāt actually blow it, but it would make a good movie. Or at least a country song.